I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
– Lily Tomlin
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
– A. Whitney Brown
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
– Douglas Adam
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
– Groucho Marx
I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
– Les Dawson
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
– Dennis Miller
